Spoken Gifts
by BSCfan
Summary: Sometimes the best Chrismukkah gifts are spoken. Ryan has an uncanny ability each Chrismukkah to say just the right things.
1. The Best Chrismukkah Ever

I'm going nowhere with finishing my other story but I wanted to write some Christmas fanfic so here is my latest attempt.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in relation to the OC.

**The Best Chrismukkah Ever**

For Ryan's first Chrismukkah with the Cohens, Kirsten didn't know how he was going to take the holiday. After his disclosure that his Christmases usually consisted of drunken beatings and cops, Kirsten wouldn't have found it unusual if Ryan had spent the holiday brooding in his room. However she was pleasantly surprised when she and Sandy came back from renting videos to see Ryan carefully putting up his stocking along with the rest of the family on top of the fireplace. The shy smile and shrug that he gave her when he saw her look of surprise warmed Kirsten's heart. That night the family suffered through Sandy's Sylvester Stallone marathon together but Ryan at least appeared to be enjoying himself, the same cannot be said for Seth or Kirsten. Later when Seth and Sandy had gone to bed, Ryan was still helping Kirsten clear up the mess from earlier despite her protests. Once they were done, Kirsten wished Ryan a good night.

Ryan didn't say anything for a moment and Kirsten was ready to leave when Ryan spoke up quietly, "Thanks for today. It was… fun. "

Kirsten smiled at his nervousness, knowing how hard it was for him to express his true feelings. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." She gently laid a hand on his shoulder, trying hard not to wince when she felt Ryan stiffen at her touch. "We can't take away your past but you're here with us now. The holidays don't always have to be bad." Ryan nodded slowly before meeting his eyes with Kirsten. She gave him a gentle smile and he slowly reciprocated one.

"Thanks," Ryan repeated. He shuffled towards the door leading to the pool house. Kirsten was about to turn around to go to her bedroom when she saw Ryan pause in his steps before turning back around. She looked at him expectedly.

"Merry Chrismukkah Kirsten," Ryan said quickly before disappearing through the doors. Kirsten smiled. Ryan embracing Chrismukkah. If Seth was here, he would have declared it a Chrismukkah miracle.


	2. The Chrismukkah that Almost Wasn't

**The Chrismukkah that Almost Wasn't**

Kirsten never imagined that she would be spending Chrismukkah locked in her closet after throwing a vase at her dad. However she never imagined the possibility of her father cheating on her mom and producing a child that was the same age as her sons. A knock at the door interrupted her musings.

"Go away," Kirsten said harshly, still angry at Sandy for keeping this information from her. Client confidentiality my ass.

"It's Ryan."

Kirsten looked up surprised and immediately regretted her tone. Ryan was the last person she expected to come talk to her but she wasn't mad at him. She softened her voice as she replied back, "I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now."

"Right…I know. I…was hoping we could talk about Lindsey."

Lindsey. Her sister. Kirsten still couldn't wrap her head around it but she remembered Lindsey's tear-stained face from earlier. If anyone knew what she was going through, it was Lindsey.

"Is she okay?" Kirsten asked.

"No… well not right now but… I guess it depends."

Ryan definitely had her attention now. Kirsten hoped that Lindsey didn't lock herself in a closet as well. "Depends on what?"

"On whether or not she figures out she's… part of a family that's pretty good at letting in new members."

Kirsten gasped silently. Sandy was right. Ryan didn't say much but when he does, his words sure made an impact. While Kirsten was now worried about Lindsey, she was touched that Ryan's statement implied that he was now a part of their family. After her initial reluctance and a chaotic year, Ryan had settled more comfortably into their household. While it was hard to believe it now, perhaps this whole Lindsey thing can get straightened out. Kirsten sighed, got to her feet, and opened the door.

---

Kirsten couldn't help but laugh at her dark-haired son trying to sing as everyone else scurried away from the porch, attempting to get out of hearing range. Seth pouted and ran after them, singing louder. Kirsten spotted Ryan standing off to the side laughing silently and went up to him.

"Hey," he said with a gentle smile. "How are you holding up?"

"As well as I could," Kirsten replied. "Thanks for umm… talking me out of the closet." Kirsten couldn't help but blush. She didn't realize how childish her actions were until afterwards.

"No problem," Ryan said with a shrug. "It's the holidays. You should spend it with family."

Kirsten smiled widely and pulled Ryan into a hug. He had grown accustomed to her displays of affection ever since his return from Chino so he quickly returned the hug and Kirsten's heart swelled.

"Yes, I should definitely spend Chrismukkah with family," she grinned.


	3. The Chrismukkah Bar Mitzvahkkah

**The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah**

Kirsten gave a quick look at her cell phone to check the time and sighed. Sandy and Seth have been up on stage stalling for nearly fifteen minutes now and the whispered conversations around her were getting louder as the Newpsies got more and more impatient. They weren't here to listen to Seth and Sandy sing Hanukkah songs and educate them about Jewish traditions. Kirsten twisted her wedding rings nervously as she glanced around the room wondering where in the world Ryan disappeared off to and hoped desperately that he wasn't having second thoughts about this.

Kirsten was taken completely by surprise when Ryan and Seth approached her and Sandy about having an honorary Bar Mitzvah for Ryan. Ryan hated Newpsie parties and being the center of attention. However after hearing why the boys wanted to throw the party, Kirsten immediately volunteered to help out, thinking it was incredibly sweet of her boys to do this for a friend. Kirsten secretly had to admit that organizing this event would also take her mind off the fact that this was her first year spending the holidays without her father and the last year before Seth and Ryan went off to college. Kirsten still couldn't believe that come next fall, she and Sandy were going to be occupying an empty nest.

Kirsten knew that Seth would have to come home regularly for the holidays and breaks. However she couldn't say she was certain about Ryan. Last year Ryan was becoming more comfortable about his place in the family but after Caleb's death, Kirsten's drinking problem, and Trey's shooting, Ryan has become more withdrawn and isolated. Kirsten knew that her harsh words at the intervention played a part in Ryan's confusion about his place in the Cohen household. While he greeted her warmly when she returned, Kirsten knew that her words still had a lasting impact on Ryan. Kirsten knew it was going to take a lot of work to get Ryan to trust her again but she was willing to work on it.

A rush of applause took Kirsten out of her reverie and she saw Ryan approaching the stage. Seth and Sandy both looked relieved to death as they hurried off the stage and practically sprinted to the table Kirsten was sitting at.

"Great job stalling guys," Kirsten said before returning her attention to Ryan. She studied him carefully. Aside from being a little bit out of breath, he seemed okay. She saw him take a deep breath before approaching the microphone.

"Ok, sorry to keep you guys waiting… so we are all gathered here for an honorary Bar Mitzvah but ummm… I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for a mitzvah the Cohens performed for me." Ryan directed his gaze to the table Kirsten was sitting at and gave them a small smile. Kirsten felt tears prickling at the corner of her eyes and Sandy's arm wrapped around her. After a moment's pause, Ryan continued.

" See Mitzvah means any act of human kindness and well that's really what we're here to celebrate. While your contribution might not seem like much, for a patient who is sitting in his or her hospital room waiting for an operation, it means the whole world. We have all heard that a simple act of kindness goes a long way… but ummm… I'm living proof of it. A simple act of kindness from Sandy Cohen allowed me the opportunity to have a life I never could have imagined for myself. A life where parents care enough about you to punish you when you do something wrong and a life where you have a brother to share your punishments with. I would like to publically thank the Cohens: Sandy, Seth, and Kirsten for everything they have given and provided for me and it is through their example that I want this event, this celebration of human kindness, to go towards a good cause. So if you would turn to page two of the program…"

---

Kirsten was wiping away tears as Ryan finished his speech. She had never heard so many words from him in one setting. While he was nervous at the beginning, he quickly gained confidence and never faltered, not even when he had to read a portion of the Torah. As the rest of the attendees headed to the dance floor, the Cohens rushed to congratulate Ryan.

"Mazel Tov kid," Sandy exclaimed, putting an arm around Ryan. "You did great!"

"We're so proud," Kirsten added pulling Ryan into a hug. "You gave a great speech."

"Thanks," Ryan said flustered from all the attention. "I know I screwed up a bit on the Hebrew."

"No worries dude," Seth interrupted. "No one here would have noticed anything if you had made up words! Except Dad and me of course. And ditto on the speech. However the part about thanking the parents for punishing us? Totally sucking up man! Don't make them think they're doing us a favor!"

Kirsten laughed as Sandy playfully wacked Seth on the head.

"Hey watch it old man," Seth grumbled.

"Who you calling old?" Sandy asked.

"I guess I have three kids now," Kirsten remarked to Ryan.

Ryan grinned back. "I think you do. Luckily you're a great mom."

Kirsten felt her eyes well up again and she pulled Ryan into another hug.


	4. The ChrismukkahHUH?

**The Chrismukk-huh?**

Why did the holidays never go as planned? Ryan always joked about the infamous Atwood luck but Kirsten was pretty sure that it probably extended to the Cohens as well. She sighed for the umpteenth time as she watched Ryan's steady breathing, relieved beyond belief that he was in a peaceful slumber now and not in a comatose state. She shuddered with the memory of finding an unconscious Ryan and Taylor on the ground earlier that day. For the millionth time, Kirsten wondered again why she had asked Ryan to put up Seth's reindeer on the roof when she knew it was going to rain. They had just gotten Ryan back a little while ago and now he was back in the hospital in a coma! Ryan had come to Newport to escape the abuse he suffered in Chino but here he was back in a hospital room again, but for something that could have been easily prevented. Kirsten twisted her wedding rings as she guilty recalled all the other times Ryan had been hospitalized under their care. Kirsten was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the rustling of sheets until she saw Ryan swing over to the side of the bed, clearly intending to get out of it.

"Ryan!" Kirsten exclaimed alarmed. "What are you doing?" She rushed to his side and prevented him from going any further.

"I'm thirsty. I was just going to get that bottle of water." Ryan replied, his voice hoarse.

"You just need to ask sweetie. That's why I'm here," Kirsten softly admonished as she went to retrieve the water bottle. Ryan gratefully took it and chugged the water as Kirsten fixed the sheets around him to her satisfaction.

"Better?" she asked as she took the now empty bottle from Ryan's hands.

"Yeah," Ryan responded. His eyes grew wide as he looked at the time. "Whoa…. I didn't realize it was so late. What are you still doing here?"

Kirsten looked at him in surprise. "Staying here with you."

"You really don't have to Kirsten. I'll be okay. You should go home to Sandy and Seth. It's Chrismukkah after all."

"And that's exactly why I should be here," Kirsten argued, settling on Ryan's bed. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be here."

Ryan looked at her confused. "What are you talking about?"

Kirsten sighed. Of course it wouldn't even occur to Ryan to blame her. "I shouldn't have asked you to put up the reindeer. I don't know what I was thinking. I would never ask Seth to do it and you're just as much my son as Seth is. I need to start treating you like I would Seth."

Ryan was silent for a moment, feeling a rush of warmth as he absorbed her words, before replying slowly, "But really Kirsten, it wasn't your fault. Taylor and I were arguing and Taylor was climbing up on the ladder. She lost her balance and I tried to grab her and we both fell. Actually none of this would have happened if I had just given in to Taylor and invited her to Chrismukkah dinner."

"I thought you were going to invite her to dinner?" Kirsten asked puzzled, recalling their conversation in the kitchen.

Ryan sighed. "I was… until I got Marissa's letter." He frowned as he saw Kirsten's look of recognition. "How do you know about it?"

"It fell out of your pocket when you were being taken here. The nurse gave it to me. And no, I didn't read it," Kirsten said quickly. "But I did give it to Julie… who did read it. And she told us what it said. I hope you're not mad."

Ryan shook his head. "It's fine."

Kirsten took his hand and was silent for a minute before speaking up again. "I- I thought the letter was the reason why you weren't waking up. That you didn't want to be in a world where Marissa wasn't here."

Kirsten took a deep breath hoping that Ryan wouldn't get upset at her words. Ever since Ryan returned, Kirsten had been cautious bringing up Marissa, not wanting to trigger anything in Ryan. However she knew things would never be settled with Ryan unless they actually talk about it.

Ryan looked at their entwined hands and spoke softly. "I had a dream while I was in that coma. When I woke up, I couldn't really remember it but now… a few things are coming back to me. I was in Newport… well kinda… but no one knew me. It was like seeing what would happen if I never came to Newport.

Kirsten gasped. "I wouldn't want to be in a world where Ryan Atwood never came to Newport," Kirsten said tearfully, squeezing Ryan's hand.

Ryan looked up and smiled softly. "Me either. Things were so different. You were married to Jimmy. Sandy was married to Julie." Ryan chuckled as he saw Kirsten's incredulous face. "Yeah… I know, scary." As he remembered more of the dream, Ryan sobered up. "But then I thought Marissa would be alive in this world… and even though she wouldn't know who I was, I thought it would be better…"

Ryan trailed and Kirsten nodded sympathetically. "Oh Ryan, Marissa's death wasn't your fault. You weren't meant to save her."

Kirsten was surprised when she saw Ryan nod in agreement. "I know that now. In my dream, Marissa was still dead. She died in Tijuana of an overdose." Ryan took a deep breath. "I can let her go now. I want to live my life- with my family. You, Seth, and Sandy. That's where I'm supposed to be. I know that now."

Tears sprung to Kirsten's eyes as she realized how hard it was for Ryan to articulate this. And the fact that he was telling this to her, it meant the world.


	5. A Berkeley Chrismukkah

**A Berkeley Chrismukkah**

Sophie squealed in delight as she was lifted off the ground and brought towards the sparkling lights on the tree.

"Careful Soph," Ryan soothed as he helped her put an ornament on the tree. The sparkling ornament hit the light and shimmered, bouncing off Sophie's delighted face who gurgled in delight.

"Oh Ryan, the tree looks great," Kirsten said, entering from the kitchen.

"Don't give me all the credit," Ryan grinned. "Sophie here did all the heavy lifting. Didn't you Sophie?" Ryan said as he tickled the girl who went into another fit of giggles.

Kirsten couldn't help but smile at the picture her two children presented. The only thing that would make this better would be if Seth was here but he was expected to arrive tomorrow and Kirsten couldn't wait to have all three of her children here together for their first Chrismukkah in Berkeley as a family of five and not three.

"Do you see all the presents under the tree Sophie? I bet more than half are for you! You're such a lucky girl!" Ryan said as he crouched down to allow Sophie to inspect the gifts. A sly grin spread over his features as he continued. "Don't tell Seth though… you know how much our brother likes to whine."

"Ryan!" Kirsten laughed. Ryan shrugged throwing a "you know it's true look" before turning back to Sophie to describe what the drawings on the ornaments mean. Kirsten settled down on the couch and just enjoyed the sight of her two children bonding. She couldn't believe Ryan's transformation since Sophie's birth. He was great with her and was always a lot more talkative around the baby. Kirsten loved it.

"So did you talk to Seth today?" Kirsten asked as she watched Ryan take Sophie to the fireplace mantle where the stockings were hanging and pictures of Chrismukkah past were on display.

"Yeah, he can't wait to come home," Ryan replied and turned back to Sophie. "Hear that Soph? Seth can't wait to come home to see you! And to see Mommy and Daddy too!"

Kirsten couldn't help but tear up every time she hears Ryan refer to her and Sandy as such. She knew it was directed at Sophie so she would learn how to say Mommy and Daddy but Kirsten liked to privately think it was Ryan's way to also call them those names without it being awkward for him.

The clock chimed breaking Kirsten out of her reverie and alerting Ryan to the time.

"Oh, look like it's your bed time Missy!" Ryan said. Turning to Kirsten, he asked, "Is it okay for me to put her down?"

Kirsten wiped away her tears and nodded. "Of course, you're so good at it."

Ryan blushed and shrugged. He brought Sophie towards Kirsten. "Wish Mommy good-night Sophie!" Kirsten hugged and kissed Sophie before putting her back into Ryan's arms.

"Good night Ryan," Kirsten said, trying to prevent the tears again and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Ryan smiled knowingly at her reaction, knowing what was causing it. She did it every. time. He gave her a gentle hug and whispered softly in her ear, "Good night Mom."

He gave one final smile before he hauled Sophie upstairs. Kirsten remained sitting on the couch, this time she allowed the happy tears to flow.


End file.
